Postpartum Depression

I am currently struggling with Postpartum anxiety and depression. Sometimes I don't want to be a mom. Sometimes I want to run away. Other times, I am too scared or worried about my children that I can't function day-to-day. I will be literally holed up in my house because I am too afraid to drive and get in an accident. When I am at the store, I will start shaking uncontrollably with the fear that someone will take my child while I am getting the milk. It is normal to think about all the things that could happen, it is not normal to be unable to function because of it. That is not living. 

Being pregnant the first time was a joy. I was thrilled. Having my son, I was excited. I had baby blues but that went away after a few days. Then I got pregnant again, and things changed. I had a horrible depression. I cried almost every day. Of course, there are things in my life that are factors, but I couldn't handle them like I used to, like a normal person. My daughter was born and I was overjoyed. I love my children, and I love her so much. I thought that the horrible emotions and physical reactions I was dealing with would go away in a few days. But it didn't. In fact, it had gotten worse. 

My babies would cry, and it would take everything I had not to just drop them and walk away forever. I would yell at them (an 18 month old and a 1 month old?!)  I thought about leaving my husband, how happier and freer I would feel without having to worry about the babies. But that's unfair to my husband, and to my babies who need me. I felt trapped, stuck in this horrible depression. I remember having my first and how that felt, and I knew that having two was different, but it shouldn't been this horrible. I still cried every day, twice a day. It wasn't a little cry, it was a a horrible, sobfest. Ones that you see in movies after someone was killed. 

Thank goodness I have excellent research and resourcing skills. This isn't normal. I found all the information I needed on POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION.

A sigh of relief. I can put a word to this emotional craziness. I talked to my daughter's pediatrician first (because she asked), then I called my doctor. At my appointment, I took a test, and then spoke to my doctors (through many tears) about what I was feeling. I love my doctor. He gave me a huge hug, gave me a prescription for sertraline (Zoloft) --which is great for breastfeeding mothers---and told me to call him if I had any thoughts about offing myself. 

I'm not a medication person. I hate taking pills. I am nervous about side effects and such. Being pregnant, I didn't want to take anything other than Tums and my vitamins. As a nursing mother, I was worried about the medication going into my milk.

BUT: the thought that I could hurt myself or my children posed more of a threat than something going through the milk. What was worse?  I'm not a selfish person. I put my children first. I always put others first. But this time, I needed to put my mental well-being first. I could not expect to take care of children and be the excellent mother I want to be if I could not take care of myself.  I did my research, and sertraline (Zoloft) was the best choice for nursing mothers. 

I am doing well, thank you. My anxieties are still there, but subdued. My depression comes and goes, but it is manageable. I take a low dose of my medication, and I suppose I could take a higher dosage, but I am doing fine. I believe that if I do recover, it will take time. Who knows, maybe I won't. There isn't a time frame. But as long as I am working to help my mental and physical well-being, I do think I can get better.

So, information* for you now, since I know that is why you are here: 

What is the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression?

Baby blues is a normal adjustment period that occurs during the first two weeks after the birth of your baby.  It is not an illness, and lots of women experience it.  It resolves on its own.  If you are past the first two weeks postpartum and you have symptoms of postpartum depression (or anxiety or OCD or psychosis or PTSD) and they are impacting your ability to function as you would like on a daily basis, you need to reach out to your doctor. source: http://www.postpartumprogress.com

Postpartum Depression is serious. Do not let it go unchecked. If you even doubt for a second that you could be suffering from it, please talk to your doctor. You can develop these symptoms at ANYTIME. It is NOT necessarily after the baby is born, it can start showing weeks after! Symptoms of postpartum depression are:

• Loss of appetite

• Insomnia

• Intense irritability and anger

• Overwhelming fatigue

• Loss of interest in sex

• Lack of joy in life

• Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy

• Severe mood swings

• Difficulty bonding with your baby

• Withdrawal from family and friends

• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

Untreated, postpartum depression may last for many months or longer. source: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpartum-depression/DS00546/DSECTION=symptoms

Postpartum psychosisWith postpartum psychosis — a rare condition that typically develops within the first two weeks after delivery — the signs and symptoms are even more severe. Signs and symptoms of postpartum psychosis may include:

• Confusion and disorientation

• Hallucinations and delusions

• Paranoia

• Attempts to harm yourself or your baby

When to see a doctorIf you're feeling depressed after your baby's birth, you may be reluctant or embarrassed to admit it. But it's important to call your doctor if the signs and symptoms of depression have any of these features:

• Don't fade after two weeks

• Are getting worse

• Make it hard for you to care for your baby

• Make it hard to complete everyday tasks

• Include thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

If you suspect that you're developing postpartum psychosis, seek medical attention immediately. Don't wait and hope for improvement. Postpartum psychosis may lead to life-threatening thoughts or behaviors.source:http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpartum-depression/DS00546/DSECTION=symptoms

How do I get treated?

Basically, after you give birth, you will probably take these tests at every pediatrician appointment you have. It is a screening tool for PPD. 

• Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS)
• Postpartum Depression Screening Scale (PDSS)
• Patient Health Questionnaire (PHQ-9)

Answer truthfully. Remember, your symptoms can appear at anytime. So if you are feeling depressed a month afterwards, make sure you NOTE it. Just because you didn't feel this way a month ago doesn't mean it should go unchecked.

Here is a link for a self-administered test...this is NOT a diagnosis. If you take this and feel like you have PPD, print it out with your answers and take it to your doctor. http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/quiz-are-you-suffering-from-postpartum-depression/

At your doctor appointment, you will discuss treatment. Make sure you do your research about the medications that are out there. 

Antidepressants are commonly used to treat postpartum depression (PPD), usually in combination with counseling and support.

• For moderate to severe PPD, experts recommend an antidepressant combined with support and counseling.

• Some experts recommend starting an antidepressant for prevention in women at high risk for PPD, but so far no studies have shown this to be effective.⁶

Breast-feeding is good for you and your baby, both physically and emotionally. For this reason, experts have studied which antidepressants seem safest for breast-feeding babies. So you need not stop breast-feeding while taking an antidepressant for postpartum depression.
Whether or not you are breast-feeding, your doctor is likely to recommend a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI).² This class of medicine is effective for most women, with fewer side effects than tricyclics. Most tricyclic antidepressants can also be used with minimal risk while a woman is breast-feeding. But for the mother, side effects are sometimes a problem.
Your doctor may start you out with a low dose to help you adjust to the medicine.

Medication Choices

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are usually the first-choice medicine for treating postpartum depression. Most SSRIs are thought to be safe for use while a woman is breast-feeding, because in general SSRIs pass into the breast milk at low levels.
Tricyclics have not caused any known breast-feeding baby problems and are not passed on to a breast-feeding baby in measurable amounts (with the exception of doxepin [Silenor, Zonalon], which is not considered safe while breast-feeding).⁶You may start to feel better within 1 to 3 weeks of taking antidepressant medicine. But it can take as many as 6 to 8 weeks to see more improvement. If you have questions or concerns about your medicines, or if you do not notice any improvement by 3 weeks, talk to your doctor.

 What To Think About  Antidepressants are typically used for at least 6 months, first to treat postpartum depression and then to prevent a relapse of symptoms. To prevent a relapse, your doctor may recommend that you take medicine for up to a year before thinking about discontinuing it. Women who have had several bouts of depression may need to take medicine for a long time.

Never suddenly stop taking an SSRI. An SSRI should be tapered off slowly and only under the supervision of a doctor. Abruptly stopping SSRI medicine can cause flu-like symptoms, headaches, nervousness, anxiety, or insomnia. If you are breast-feeding and taking an antidepressant or any other medicine, let your baby's doctor know.

 source: http://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/postpartum-depression-medications


So please, for your sake and for your child's sake, talk to your doctor. I have found a wonderful website that I rely on for additional support, visit: http://www.postpartumprogress.com/

*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and so any advice I am offering is based on my own experiences. For severe problems or for things that you are unsure of, always consult your doctor! I am also not affiliated with postpartum progress but I love their site. 

Going to bed angry

Whether you are living with someone, getting married, or you are married, this is a piece of advice that you've heard or will hear from people:

"Never go to bed angry."

That's a hard statement to live by. Not going to bed angry is like slapping a bull on its rear-end and expecting it to not run after you. It is unfair to you and your significant other to try to solve your problems before bed. Can you imagine in a literal world where people will be up all night trying to solve a problem? It would be ridiculous! Sometimes you need to sleep on it and refresh your mind.

So, go to bed angry. Save your sanity, and his, by letting your brain mull it over while you sleep.

However, I will say this:

Go to bed angry BUT

A) Never kick your spouse out of the bed.
  1) That bed is your hearth. You make love in it, you make life in it, you rest in it. It is symbolic. By sleeping next to your spouse, you entrust your whole self while you are at your weakest. Survival wise, this was important. Now, it is a symbol. Don't make someone sleep anywhere but next to you.
  2) When you wake up the next morning and see that rested face of the person you love, things are put into perspective. Heck, you may even cuddle. Who knows! You might even get that make-up sexy time. But that can't happen if someone has a grudge for being forced out of their bed. Being a former military spouse, I was so grateful that I got to wake up to my husband every day because when he was deployed, I really missed him. And I didn't have regrets, just memories of waking up next to him.

B) Always say, "I love you" before bed.
1) Even if you are angry, saying those words will reaffirm your feelings for each other. It will not only remind your spouse, but remind YOU, that even though things are rough, you have each other. Say I love you all that time.
2) You will never know when you will wake up, but the person that you love won't. I don't mean to be depressing, but it is a part of our reality as human beings. Put it into perspective. Tell your hunny that you love him.

Remind yourself that you are partners in life. Be fair to each other. Put yourself in their shoes. Sometimes, saying nothing is the best thing you can do. Of course, unless it is "I love you."

Hope you have a wonderful evening, a wonderful weekend, and a more peaceful one!

Pregnancy Things

These are handouts that I had gotten from my doctor when I was pregnant. Very good reference in case you want to know anything! The laying on the left really helps out! Hopefully you can click on them and see a better view! Just for you future mamas out there who want something!

Valentine's Day for those who have a broken heart

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I thought I would send this out reminding all of the people out there of the number one person you need to celebrate before you celebrate others: Yourself. [Okay, first God, and then yourself.]

I've always heard the rhetorical question, how can you love others if you can’t love yourself? How do you expect others to love you if you can’t love yourself? We’ll go into that in a second.

First of all, I want to reach out to the people who have a broken heart, whether from an unrequited love or over a break-up. This is for you today.

He doesn't deserve you. The guy that wants to be there 100% is going to be there 100%. He will never say he's too busy, because he will MAKE the time to be with you. Same goes for her. Anyone who wants to be there WILL be there. 

I know it hurts to think that he wasn't that into you, but at the same time, he's not and that's a good thing because now you are not going to waste your time and you have more time to find the love of your life.

So if you have given your heart to someone who put it on a dusty shelf, you better take it right back. Who are they to decide your heart is something they can just hold on to? Love isn't a one way thing. You exchange your hearts and proudly display it for the world, not keep it on a shelf. If someone can’t accept your love, then you need to do an about-face and run the hell out of there. It is a learning experience, so take it as it is and move on. Don't regret it, because now that you know what you want, you can look for it in someone better.

 
A priest once told me that women need to have their heart broken three times before they can find The One. That means falling in love and having your heart shattered. It sucks, but seriously, you are going to find guys that are better and better until they can't get any better because he's THE ONE!

By the way, that guy is a jack-ass if he doesn't realize how amazing you are. And if he didn't, it’s probably because you didn't.

Here we go, LOVING YOURSELF. 

Just think about it. The only person that matters in the world to you needs to be you. And you don't think that you are worthy of love, or that you are worthy of a guy, or that you deserve anything. Seriously, on some level, that's how you are thinking. You can't let yourself get down like that. You need to realize that you ROCK. 

This is something that I’ve told people in the past and they really liked it. So I’m going to say it to you. This is how I learned to love myself.

1. Tell yourself that you don't even deserve yourself.
2. Remind yourself that no one deserves you.
3. Find a goal that you feel will make you a better person.
4. Work hard to deserve yourself.
Once you finally deserve yourself (mine was losing 50lbs and passing my double jury—music thing), then that's when someone will be able to deserve you. 

By then, you'll have so much self esteem (self esteem, not over confidence or an ego), that NO one can deserve you. You will have worked so hard at loving yourself, that you will see that you are worthy of love. Not just some random crush, real love. You will love yourself so much that your eyes will be open to who is and who is not good for you. You will appreciate yourself and want to find someone who will appreciate you too.

You have to really think that. NO ONE DESERVES ME. And the person who realizes that he doesn’t deserve you, is the one who is meant for you. (Ryan still says he doesn't deserve me, every day.)

So say to yourself, I AM WORTHY OF LOVE, and THE PERSON WHO REALIZES THAT HE DOESN'T DESERVE ME IS THE ONE THAT REALLY DOES. 

And then you'll find it. 

I hope you realize how beautiful you are inside and out. Remember that you are a beautiful child of God. Don't be pessimistic and always think, "How can I bounce back, get over it, and move on with my life?" Then do it. Don't just think about it, actually BOUNCE back and move on with your life. That's just how it is.

Good luck with your loves in the future. And with your life! Remember, this is your LIFE; you only get one chance at it. There's no turning back. Every second you let go by, is a second that you can never get back. Don't waste it on someone that doesn’t appreciate your worth., as hard as it is not to...because really, you won't get that time back.


Live by my motto, it has helped me (and then get your own lol)

Live LIFE, Laugh Often, Love ALWAYS, Make Mistakes NEVER Regret, and DARE TO DREAM.


Have a wonderful Valentine's Day and always remember that you are loved. God bless

Personalities

I absolutely love this time in a baby's life. We are reaching the 6 month mark for my Little Miss, and she is becoming very independent. She's been able to sit up by herself for about a month now, and she's finally on her hands and knees attempting the crawl. 

This is usually the time you see their personalities come about. Wide eyes filled with curiosity at the world around them. Things are almost in reach. By now, she has figured out that if she leans and reaches far enough, she can get whatever she wants. I try to give her toys that can't roll away too far, because she gets very frustrated with them. But it is imperative, and fun, to watch babies go for the toys. It helps get them moving!  

Little Miss loves to eat everything. I am kind of worried about that. My first snug bug didn't care much about shoving any sort of anything into his mouth. He is more interested in how things work. He likes to take things apart and put them back together. He's very smart. Of course, I end up with more broken things, but I make sure he only plays with things that I can fix, and don't have small parts. Again, I'm not worried about small parts with Snug Bug, but if he drops something, I know Little Miss will eat it!

She. eats. everything.

It is her way of figuring out the world. It is common, I know that. My younger sister was the same way. She would eat everything from rocks to grass, from hair to actually biting people (well, gumming). So I am concerned that she will find something small and try to eat it and choke. But luckily, we already have our house child-proofed for her age. The wonders of having children closer in age!

Another fun aspect into Little Miss' personality is the bashfulness. She loves to smile at people, and when people smile back at her (because she's too cute to resist), she will partially hide her face, hang her head, and bat her eyes. She's a little flirt! Daddy is going to have to beat the boys away with a bat! It is very adorable.

Little Miss also gets very angry. She will yell at you if you are not giving her attention or if Snug Bug takes away something she is playing with. She gets horrendously jealous. She doesn't cry at you, she yells and babbles. And if she is really angry, she'll start to blow raspberries. That also goes to the other extreme. If she is very happy, she will blow raspberries. 

Have you looked at your baby and seen peeks of their personality? Take note of it if you can! 

What other things are you doing to document the beginning of your little one's life?

Have a Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I will be back with news about Snug Bug's 2nd birthday party!

Keepin U In Stitches

Just had to quickly share before bed:

Keepin U In Stitches! They make the cutest things for babies! Incidentally, my snuggle bug is a model!!!

Visit their Facebook Page for prices and to place an order!
https://www.facebook.com/Keepinuinstitches

 

Breastfeeding Things I wish I knew before...

Breastfeeding Things I wish I had known before my first was born:

*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and so any advice I am offering is based on my own experiences. For severe problems or for things that you are unsure of, always consult your doctor! 

Alrighty! My best friend had a baby recently and i sent her this info! I also sent it to a few more friends that found the information very useful!  

1. Get some Lanolin!  These kids will take you for all you got when they hit 10 days and 3 weeks! Darn those growth spurts! They will nurse all day and all night, leaving you pretty raw feeling. It hurts! The lanolin is AMAZING! My favorite is the little purple bottle of lanolin by Lansinoh.The reason I love Lansinoh is because, as it is written in their website,  Lansinoh HPA Lanolin has been refined by a patented process to remove all allergenic components (identified as the free lanolin alcohols in combination with detergent residues left over from the wool scouring process) and to bring to the lowest level possible any environmental impurities (including pesticide residues). Because of the purity of Lansinoh HPA Lanolin, it does not have to be removed prior to breastfeeding. It's a lifesaver! After about 3 weeks of nursing, you'll toughen up! Of course you can ALWAYS use your OWN breast milk as a means of relief. Breast milk is a miracle!
UPDATE: I also heard from some Puerto Rican friends that you can use olive oil as a natural means of relief. 

2. Sometimes, it's hard to get the baby to latch on at first when they are born. Don't stress about it. It's a learning process for you and for the baby. Just remember to breathe. If you get antsy, the baby will get frustrated. Your milk will come in a few days after the baby is born, but it'll be getting its newborn milk that you are already developing (colostrum!) If you squeeze now, you might see some whitish/yellowish stuff comin' out!

3. It's common in BF babies to get a tad bit jaundiced the first few days. If the mouth or the eyes start to get real bad, go to the doctor for a bilirubin check. That's because they aren't getting the fatty-fat from the milk that comes in (takes a few days remember!) Both my kids had that problem but it went away a day after the milk came in. I had a problem with flat nipples for some reason with Gavin. If that's the case, the nurses might have nipple shields to help with that (looks like a bottle nipple)

3. Make sure you are nursing at least 10 minutes per breast. Try to get as close to the 10 minute mark as possible. Your baby WILL fall asleep on you. It takes so much work to drink up! It's a suck suck suck, stop for the milk to flow, then suck suck suck, stop...it's a tiring process for the baby! Just gently tickle the baby or tap or whatever you can do to wake the baby. When you are done with one side, the general rule is to change its diaper (to wake it up) and then switch over. Same rules apply!

4. The biggest thing to me: NO bottles and NO pacifiers until about a month-6 weeks old. The baby will learn right away that it can get a faster satisfaction from drinking from the bottle...there's no work involved so they won't take your breast. After about a month, you can start giving the bottle to the baby because they know the difference by then. Make sure you tell the nurses at the hospital that you are strictly breastfeeding. The nurse gave Gavin some formula when he was born without consulting me and getting him to latch on was a hassle! It took me a week because of that. Amelia latched on first thing, thank God!

UPDATE: A thing I have recommended to many is to avoid pumping for the first 6 weeks. Because of the growth spurts at 10 days, 3 weeks, and 6 weeks, the baby will suckle more during its growths spurts, allowing your body to adjust and SUPPLY more. If you get in the way of that with pumping, you may lose your supply because you are not pumping for demand.


5. Don't buy the "not producing enough milk" thing. Sure, some women don't, but our bodies are made for supply and demand. The more they suck, the more your body will make. It might take a while, but you will get there. If you are worried, talk to the pediatrician but don't stress. Just keep trying, don't give up unless you absolutely have to! Breast milk is the best milk for humans. The World Health Organization actually recommends nursing (pumped or not) until the child is 2 years old. Makes them smarter and healthier!

6. DRINK A LOT OF WATER! Your body is spending all of its energy making milk, you will not have enough water for you to go to the bathroom. Its gonna be TMI, but your poop will be as hard as a damn rock and it does NOT help with that first time after you give birth. Get stool softeners if you have a problem (doctor can point you to the right kind). Make sure you have hemorrhoid cream WITH an applicator in stock. Its a very common problem after giving birth and you want to go to the bathroom. You need to drink double the amount of water than a normal person. If you are sitting and nursing, bring a giant water bottle with you and drink too. You will be starving, make sure you are eating an extra 500 calories a day while you are nursing. I mean, you will be STARVING! Make sure that you are eating and drinking because you will forget! All that fawning over your creation takes a lot of time!

7. Breastfeed your child before you leave the house. Seems like common sense but as you start adjusting to getting someone else ready while YOU are getting ready, things get forgotten. Then you are sitting in a parking lot trying to nurse your child before you enter the store. I remember being horrified as I sat in the middle of a restaurant with my son as he screamed because he wanted to nurse because I didn't before I left the house. I learned my lesson very quickly. I made sure to sit and nurse before I left. If the baby fell asleep, I'd stick them in the car seat and go! Made things so much smoother!

8. If you are worried about nursing in public, invest in a nursing cover. Make sure it is something light and breathable because you and your baby will get a little hot. Blankets work just as well, so if you don't want to buy a nursing cover, find a blanket that is long enough and breathable enough to take with you. I say long enough because these munchkins love to grab everything, and a small blanket will slide right off!

9. If your baby is a month old and they don't have a bowel movement everyday, do not be alarmed. It is normal for a BF baby to not have a BM for up to 5 days. If there is any fussing, crying, and the stomach is hard (like constipation), or you really are concerned, then consult your doctor. They are there to help. Keep an eye on poop and read up on the norms--yellow and seedy are the normal healthy indicators!

10. Take care of your breasts. Wash them well, don't tightly restrain them, or wear material that doesn't let them breathe. There are some problems you may encounter. Such as, engorgement/swollen breasts, overractive milk supply, clogged milk ducts...all can be pretty painful. Express some milk, massage them, take a warm shower or use a heating pad on them (not while baby is nursing). It will help. IF you start feeling SICK, or get a fever:  

Mastitis

Mastitis is a bacterial infection in your breasts marked by flu-like symptoms such as fever and pain in your breasts. It’s common within the first few weeks after birth (though it can also happen during weaning) and is caused by cracked skin, clogged milk ducts, or engorgement.

Solution: The only sufficient way to treat the infection is with antibiotics, hot compresses, and most importantly, frequent emptying. Use hands-on pumping, making sure the red firm areas of the breast and the periphery are softened. It’s safe and actually recommended that you continue breastfeeding when you have mastitis.
(source: The Bump from The Knot)

Here is a full list of common breastfeeding problems: The Bump

11. Enjoy your time off, enjoy your baby, and if you are breastfeeding, enjoy it. It takes a lot of time, a lot of your energy, and you will sometimes feel like you are chained to the chair with your baby...but its something that no one else has in the world with your child...that's a bond that is like no other. Its all worth it, its cheaper, and healthier.

FOR THE BEST BREASTFEEDING ADVICE, VISIT LA LECHE LEAGUE INTERNATIONAL
Look for help in your town!

*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor and so any advice I am offering is based on my own experiences. For severe problems or for things that you are unsure of, always consult your doctor!