Being pregnant the first time was a joy. I was thrilled. Having my son, I was excited. I had baby blues but that went away after a few days. Then I got pregnant again, and things changed. I had a horrible depression. I cried almost every day. Of course, there are things in my life that are factors, but I couldn't handle them like I used to, like a normal person. My daughter was born and I was overjoyed. I love my children, and I love her so much. I thought that the horrible emotions and physical reactions I was dealing with would go away in a few days. But it didn't. In fact, it had gotten worse.
My babies would cry, and it would take everything I had not to just drop them and walk away forever. I would yell at them (an 18 month old and a 1 month old?!) I thought about leaving my husband, how happier and freer I would feel without having to worry about the babies. But that's unfair to my husband, and to my babies who need me. I felt trapped, stuck in this horrible depression. I remember having my first and how that felt, and I knew that having two was different, but it shouldn't been this horrible. I still cried every day, twice a day. It wasn't a little cry, it was a a horrible, sobfest. Ones that you see in movies after someone was killed.
Thank goodness I have excellent research and resourcing skills. This isn't normal. I found all the information I needed on POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION.
A sigh of relief. I can put a word to this emotional craziness. I talked to my daughter's pediatrician first (because she asked), then I called my doctor. At my appointment, I took a test, and then spoke to my doctors (through many tears) about what I was feeling. I love my doctor. He gave me a huge hug, gave me a prescription for sertraline (Zoloft) --which is great for breastfeeding mothers---and told me to call him if I had any thoughts about offing myself.
I'm not a medication person. I hate taking pills. I am nervous about side effects and such. Being pregnant, I didn't want to take anything other than Tums and my vitamins. As a nursing mother, I was worried about the medication going into my milk.
BUT: the thought that I could hurt myself or my children posed more of a threat than something going through the milk. What was worse? I'm not a selfish person. I put my children first. I always put others first. But this time, I needed to put my mental well-being first. I could not expect to take care of children and be the excellent mother I want to be if I could not take care of myself. I did my research, and sertraline (Zoloft) was the best choice for nursing mothers.
I am doing well, thank you. My anxieties are still there, but subdued. My depression comes and goes, but it is manageable. I take a low dose of my medication, and I suppose I could take a higher dosage, but I am doing fine. I believe that if I do recover, it will take time. Who knows, maybe I won't. There isn't a time frame. But as long as I am working to help my mental and physical well-being, I do think I can get better.
So, information* for you now, since I know that is why you are here:
What is the difference between baby blues and postpartum depression?
Baby blues is a normal adjustment period that occurs during the first two weeks after the birth of your baby. It is not an illness, and lots of women experience it. It resolves on its own. If you are past the first two weeks postpartum and you have symptoms of postpartum depression (or anxiety or OCD or psychosis or PTSD) and they are impacting your ability to function as you would like on a daily basis, you need to reach out to your doctor. source: http://www.postpartumprogress.com
Postpartum Depression is serious. Do not let it go unchecked. If you even doubt for a second that you could be suffering from it, please talk to your doctor. You can develop these symptoms at ANYTIME. It is NOT necessarily after the baby is born, it can start showing weeks after! Symptoms of postpartum depression are:
- Loss of appetite
- Insomnia
- Intense irritability and anger
- Overwhelming fatigue
- Loss of interest in sex
- Lack of joy in life
- Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
- Severe mood swings
- Difficulty bonding with your baby
- Withdrawal from family and friends
Untreated, postpartum depression may last for many months or longer. source: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpartum-depression/DS00546/DSECTION=symptoms
- Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
Postpartum psychosisWith postpartum psychosis — a rare condition that typically develops within the first two weeks after delivery — the signs and symptoms are even more severe. Signs and symptoms of postpartum psychosis may include:
- Confusion and disorientation
- Hallucinations and delusions
- Paranoia
When to see a doctorIf you're feeling depressed after your baby's birth, you may be reluctant or embarrassed to admit it. But it's important to call your doctor if the signs and symptoms of depression have any of these features:
- Attempts to harm yourself or your baby
- Don't fade after two weeks
- Are getting worse
- Make it hard for you to care for your baby
- Make it hard to complete everyday tasks
If you suspect that you're developing postpartum psychosis, seek medical attention immediately. Don't wait and hope for improvement. Postpartum psychosis may lead to life-threatening thoughts or behaviors.source:http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/postpartum-depression/DS00546/DSECTION=symptoms
- Include thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
How do I get treated?
Basically, after you give birth, you will probably take these tests at every pediatrician appointment you have. It is a screening tool for PPD.
- Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS)
- Postpartum Depression Screening Scale (PDSS)
- Patient Health Questionnaire (PHQ-9)
Answer truthfully. Remember, your symptoms can appear at anytime. So if you are feeling depressed a month afterwards, make sure you NOTE it. Just because you didn't feel this way a month ago doesn't mean it should go unchecked.
Here is a link for a self-administered test...this is NOT a diagnosis. If you take this and feel like you have PPD, print it out with your answers and take it to your doctor. http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/quiz-are-you-suffering-from-postpartum-depression/
At your doctor appointment, you will discuss treatment. Make sure you do your research about the medications that are out there.
Antidepressants are commonly used to treat postpartum depression (PPD), usually in combination with counseling and support.
- For moderate to severe PPD, experts recommend an antidepressant combined with support and counseling.
Breast-feeding is good for you and your baby, both physically and emotionally. For this reason, experts have studied which antidepressants seem safest for breast-feeding babies. So you need not stop breast-feeding while taking an antidepressant for postpartum depression.
- Some experts recommend starting an antidepressant for prevention in women at high risk for PPD, but so far no studies have shown this to be effective.6
Whether or not you are breast-feeding, your doctor is likely to recommend a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI).2 This class of medicine is effective for most women, with fewer side effects than tricyclics. Most tricyclic antidepressants can also be used with minimal risk while a woman is breast-feeding. But for the mother, side effects are sometimes a problem.
Your doctor may start you out with a low dose to help you adjust to the medicine.
Medication Choices
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are usually the first-choice medicine for treating postpartum depression. Most SSRIs are thought to be safe for use while a woman is breast-feeding, because in general SSRIs pass into the breast milk at low levels.
Tricyclics have not caused any known breast-feeding baby problems and are not passed on to a breast-feeding baby in measurable amounts (with the exception of doxepin [Silenor, Zonalon], which is not considered safe while breast-feeding).6You may start to feel better within 1 to 3 weeks of taking antidepressant medicine. But it can take as many as 6 to 8 weeks to see more improvement. If you have questions or concerns about your medicines, or if you do not notice any improvement by 3 weeks, talk to your doctor.
What To Think About Antidepressants are typically used for at least 6 months, first to treat postpartum depression and then to prevent a relapse of symptoms. To prevent a relapse, your doctor may recommend that you take medicine for up to a year before thinking about discontinuing it. Women who have had several bouts of depression may need to take medicine for a long time.
Never suddenly stop taking an SSRI. An SSRI should be tapered off slowly and only under the supervision of a doctor. Abruptly stopping SSRI medicine can cause flu-like symptoms, headaches, nervousness, anxiety, or insomnia. If you are breast-feeding and taking an antidepressant or any other medicine, let your baby's doctor know.source: http://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/postpartum-depression-medications
So please, for your sake and for your child's sake, talk to your doctor. I have found a wonderful website that I rely on for additional support, visit: http://www.postpartumprogress.com/
